i 1

we were walking when
he called me crazy
for taking pictures of a dead cat
what have I done?
he was kidding; but he wasn't kidding
when he moved on and left me alone in the street
taking pictures of a dead cat, he laughed at me
it was nothing.
hit by a car when it was walking by the side of the road
or maybe moved by somebody to the side of the road

I took two pictures of a dead cat
its eyes on the street
literally.

My friend majored in science in high-school
I left my school to another; far from home
for a major I loved; english

When I applied for a scholarship to the US to do my Bachelor's in Teaching English as a Second Language; I was rejected. He is going to graduate next year or the year after.. a doctor from some university in UK. with new words like "Rammat" (the kuwaiti verb of "to have a roommate")

I studied English Literature to no avail
what have I done
A lousy collection of classic cheap books, a number of CDs, and a room I share with heaps of cheap clothes, books and VHS tapes and DVDs. what have I, my friend, done?


I had a surgery once; a cosmetic one and I thought; if I were to die today

what have I done
but you know
you're a doctor you should know
one could die during any surgery
even a stupid one like this

Will my parents, siblings or relatives listen to "careful with that axe, Eugene" in that attractive pink floyd CD and remember me when they listen to the weird sounds. what have I done

Friend
I was by your side all the way
True I was not there when they bullied you in school
I am more bullied now

Are you bullying me now?
what have I done


I was down, there
you were not
I remember enemies were there once or twice or thrice

when you come to the world in a white coat again
a happy marriage
four kids, maybe five.. or maybe because you're a doctor
only two and a big car

I will be single
writing in newspapers about things no one understands
except my friends whom I digged from stories by Franz Kafka some of them are as angry as the characters in Poe's stories or maybe as passionate and nuts

I will not be married
because the woman I loved was born before me in years
I will be too afraid to have children; because maybe they will be bullied
and maybe if I raise them keeping in mind they should not be bullied; protecting them against bullies; they will become bullies; inconsiderate insensitive children of a crazy writer

maybe one day they will become the people who hit, on the side of the road, cats with their big cars
I will maybe get out of my house
to take pictures of a dead cat
its eyes on the street
literally.

tell me friend
what have I done, its not a question
what have I done. Its a statement.


I took pictures of a dead cat
when a friend called me crazy
or a friend called me crazy
when I took pictures of a dead cat

You know what? I think I am not going to be your friend anymore. The text messages I sent to you were only to arrange for one of your brothers to give me the book that you got from Iran for my father from his friend in Mashhad. I will not talk to you again; not the way I used to anyway. You know I swore at you, I made fun of you.. you made fun of me and swore at me too... that is the appearance we chose for our friendship... like little boys, brothers who fear to show their emotions to each other. I write this knowing you are not reading it.. maybe you do read blogs, but certainly you are not going to stumble upon mine.
Maybe it was the dead cat
or maybe it is the fact that everyone knew the time and date of your flight back to whatever city in the UK... except I. You know how I sounded to this guy when I asked him if you're in his Diwaniya and he told me your flight was just 5 minutes ago?

or maybe it was the dead cat.
I took pictures of a dead cat
its eyes on the street
literally

Tomorrow, or maybe the day after
I will buy a camera, I've decided, Nikon D40x, with which I will take pictures of
dead cats.

The written above is the first in a series about me
I will first talk about friends in my life
Doctor A. is the first friend I had.

the tarot

I'm sitting in a cafe writing this and I see a couple of meters away the largest convention of nerds. One with a large jaw and he does not try to hide it out of his unawareness of it; stating that I cannot see beyond my dreams of knowing more about computers. The second one looks good, he looks like Tobey Maguire; an unmasked spiderman, but he's far more nerdy than any of the group members, he looks like he's preaching the great principles of the old nerds that lived in the 60s and 70s. The one next to him seems to know to be in love with this great leader he keeps having little conversations with the one in front of him yet every while and then he looks to his left to see if his beloved leader is still there glowing over him with love and nerdiness. The rest I can only see their backs but it says alot about who they are. The one with the big jaw... oh God. I just noticed this; he's got one of those phone accessories... the phone holster on his belt. nerd.

I just stopped the music so to listen to their loud conversation. The above was described over a loud music that I usually play when using my laptop in crowded cafes. I listened to a few minutes and decided to listen to Luri music instead. Their conversation as I heard it the moment I came into the cafe 15 minutes ago is still revolving around computers and its accessories. The handsome nerd is still leading the conversation and amazing the little nerds into believing his teachings. My God even their jokes are far beyond being vague and too technical. One of them I can only see he's bearded wearing a dishdasha... his voice is high-pitched and like the nerd character of The Simpsons.

They have a computer in the middle put so that all of them can see its screen. I'm back to listening to music so I can't hear their conversation anymore but its still going on about computers. I'm interested in many subjects one could be the most important to me; but when in a gathering I'm sure to change from one subject to another naturally...

Some of the nerds sitting there are celebrity nerds; I know I've seen some of them in Kuwait University. God bless you boys, they all look so familiar and I'm sure they've been ridiculed and made fun of by almost everybody who saw them. They should be proud to be in the center of attention to all Kuwait University students. God bless them. Although I think the head-nerd is one who studies abroad... he seems to be outstanding in everything he knows and shocks them always with his experience.

The one next to the leader... he seems to have a great crush on the leader, but shame on him. He is trying his best to look hip. His legs are extended in a manner that states how he's carefree. His gestures and where he looks.. everything in him is screaming "I want out". It might be an unconscious thing.. but he's the furthest from the center. Its like he's trying to get out even from the position of his seat in the gathering. The closest to the door.

Finally they're out... now I can talk about other things

I'm reading "I was a Communist" a collection of articles published in 1959 by Iraqi poet Bader Shaker Al-Sayyab. The history presented from the point of view of a great poet is priceless yet I stand amazed at the hatred showed in his writings for Iranians and Iraqis of Iranian origins.

The hatred between Persians and Arabs is as old as the existence of both. I see and hear Iranians and Arab discuss their hatred for the others so openly and justify it too. I defend neither.

I haven't been posting for a good reason. The phonelines in my area were screwed up. And I'm in Cafe's every night using the good wifi connection; converting to wifi speed from dial-up means only that I'm going to be spending hours exploring youtube and downloading stuff off limewire. Thus I have been busy watching all sorts of musical performances, comedies and weird historical documentaries on youtube that I have neglected my blog all this time. Never liked embedding a video on my blog... although I'm tempted to share with you the amazing music of Luristan. But oh well... what makes me think that people would listen to these things?

Kuwaitis love hating the government and its institutions.
I have worked in both the private and government sectors. I found that the two sectors have their own justified bureaucratic ways. In the private sector I have found stupid managers and directors leading their teams to embarrassment sure yet that the employees are forgiving. Their mistakes are re-worded by Marketing.

Sometimes people themselves do not accept what is logically sound. People expect too much for so little.People come to me and say... you used to work there? in that ministry?
They tell stories of so-called bureaucracy. What's wrong with asking for 500 fils stamp? To some its bureaucratic. Why this and why not that?

I never asked my country to give me. I want to give.
It has given me alot. What more do I need as a Kuwaiti? I pay no taxes. My health service is for free. I had a cosmetic surgery that costs 3000 to 5000 dollars in the US, for free! I only had to pay KD10 for something I don't recall what really. If you think Kuwait's education is bad? why do we see intelligent people graduating from Kuwait's public schools? Nothing can change the fact that you've got a stupid kid... so live with it. My two friends studying medicine in the UK said clearly that whatever we had in Kuwaiti public schools is taught in English here (speaking about the foundation programs in British universities). I graduated and I didn't have to apply for jobs... I got a job a month later.. I rejected it.. two weeks later I was offered another... rejected it and was offered another a month later. Even if you do wait on the Civil Service Commision to find you a job... you will be paid for waiting.

I ask you one question though
What are you giving back to Kuwait?

Liberals, Islamists and whoeverists... want to give Kuwait the rotten fruits of their ideologies rather than give it more than just mere philosophies and ideal solutions made for far nations.

If you think the government is corrupt..
why don't you change it? Have you stopped voting for the Isms in the elections? Have you stopped asking for Was6a? Have you admitted to having problems that the Kuwaitis themselves have caused? You are the corruption.

You hold orange, blue or pink flags waving slogans you know are going to be for a certain group of people only. You hold orange, blue or pink flags to paint a home that is going to collapse soon. How is a color going to change the state of the foundation of this home of ours?

I may support what some of those flags stand for, but I never held one. For I never supported an "ism" imported to a neighborhood so peaceful like mine.

Marilyn Manson
An Artist

The Golden Age 35
Marilyn Manson
Photographed by: Gottfried Helnwein

Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV

Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God

killing us all