Thursday, October 18, 2007

i 1

we were walking when
he called me crazy
for taking pictures of a dead cat
what have I done?
he was kidding; but he wasn't kidding
when he moved on and left me alone in the street
taking pictures of a dead cat, he laughed at me
it was nothing.
hit by a car when it was walking by the side of the road
or maybe moved by somebody to the side of the road







I took two pictures of a dead cat
its eyes on the street
literally.

My friend majored in science in high-school
I left my school to another; far from home
for a major I loved; english

When I applied for a scholarship to the US to do my Bachelor's in Teaching English as a Second Language; I was rejected. He is going to graduate next year or the year after.. a doctor from some university in UK. with new words like "Rammat" (the kuwaiti verb of "to have a roommate")

I studied English Literature to no avail
what have I done
A lousy collection of classic cheap books, a number of CDs, and a room I share with heaps of cheap clothes, books and VHS tapes and DVDs. what have I, my friend, done?


I had a surgery once; a cosmetic one and I thought; if I were to die today

what have I done
but you know
you're a doctor you should know
one could die during any surgery
even a stupid one like this

Will my parents, siblings or relatives listen to "careful with that axe, Eugene" in that attractive pink floyd CD and remember me when they listen to the weird sounds. what have I done

Friend
I was by your side all the way
True I was not there when they bullied you in school
I am more bullied now

Are you bullying me now?
what have I done


I was down, there
you were not
I remember enemies were there once or twice or thrice

when you come to the world in a white coat again
a happy marriage
four kids, maybe five.. or maybe because you're a doctor
only two and a big car

I will be single
writing in newspapers about things no one understands
except my friends whom I digged from stories by Franz Kafka some of them are as angry as the characters in Poe's stories or maybe as passionate and nuts

I will not be married
because the woman I loved was born before me in years
I will be too afraid to have children; because maybe they will be bullied
and maybe if I raise them keeping in mind they should not be bullied; protecting them against bullies; they will become bullies; inconsiderate insensitive children of a crazy writer

maybe one day they will become the people who hit, on the side of the road, cats with their big cars
I will maybe get out of my house
to take pictures of a dead cat
its eyes on the street
literally.

tell me friend
what have I done, its not a question
what have I done. Its a statement.


I took pictures of a dead cat
when a friend called me crazy
or a friend called me crazy
when I took pictures of a dead cat

You know what? I think I am not going to be your friend anymore. The text messages I sent to you were only to arrange for one of your brothers to give me the book that you got from Iran for my father from his friend in Mashhad. I will not talk to you again; not the way I used to anyway. You know I swore at you, I made fun of you.. you made fun of me and swore at me too... that is the appearance we chose for our friendship... like little boys, brothers who fear to show their emotions to each other. I write this knowing you are not reading it.. maybe you do read blogs, but certainly you are not going to stumble upon mine.
Maybe it was the dead cat
or maybe it is the fact that everyone knew the time and date of your flight back to whatever city in the UK... except I. You know how I sounded to this guy when I asked him if you're in his Diwaniya and he told me your flight was just 5 minutes ago?

or maybe it was the dead cat.
I took pictures of a dead cat
its eyes on the street
literally

Tomorrow, or maybe the day after
I will buy a camera, I've decided, Nikon D40x, with which I will take pictures of
dead cats.







The written above is the first in a series about me
I will first talk about friends in my life
Doctor A. is the first friend I had.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's something about your writing that reminds me of myself 2 years ago when I used to keep diaries. You turned your blog into a real diary. Very personal and deep. Loved the post a lot.

Keep writing stuff like these. Gives me good reasons to check in here more often.

3:16 PM  
Blogger antihero said...

its episodes of my life in styled after my writing style in short stories :D

thanks

4:28 PM  
Blogger Deema said...

hi Anti-Hero ...
your episode reminded me of three things
-rab music
-Sydney Carton (A Tale of Two Cities)
-Louis Bunuel
(are you upto a revolution?)
by the way revolution have two directions, internal and external, both ways at the same time :)

(is it the lizard from franz kafka's who will understand?)

12:55 AM  
Blogger antihero said...

deema

unfortunately, I haven't read the tale of two cities yet.. and I only saw Louis Bunel's "Une Chien Andalou".

My writing here though strange, i tend to add to it a mixture of minimalism and repetition, rather than surrealism.

:)

11:05 AM  
Blogger Deema said...

yeah the method of louis bunuel is repetion,until the reach of the main moment, he experiments with doubt..
although i also believe that you have surrealism here... surrealism doesn't show when you compose it appears when you go back and see the whole..

madry just a thought :)

1:43 AM  
Blogger Deema said...

btw why are you being so scary in your images i'm starting to fear rolling down your blog (with eyes half close half open) .. i fear realistic grotesque..

3:43 PM  
Blogger antihero said...

what works by Bunuel do you recommend?

and I like those pictures :D
are you familiar with the works of Gottfried Helnwein?
and its not so scary.. dead cats are everywhere :D

1:40 AM  
Blogger Deema said...

i don't think i would google helnwein.. :s

well i was trying to order the exterminating angels by him because it is the one most studied in the theory of cinema.. but what i understood is that it is the best of his work. unfortunatly i don't have an aramex i will get it as soon as i have an address in usa

11:34 AM  
Blogger Deema said...

a dead cat is a instantaneous vision while you are moving it has its shivering effect and goes so suddenly .. but here posted forever is really a grotesque painted on the ceilings of italian buildings

:)

11:38 AM  
Blogger antihero said...

deema
thanks :)
i wish one day that a creative work of mine would be eternalized like that. but it seems i'm moving slowly towards that goal :)

i know your works will.. you seem to the real material for fame and glory in any field you work at.

2:01 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home